Inner critic - friend or foe?

You are probably familiar with the concept of the inner critic… you know that voice in your head that commentates on your abilities, your shortcomings, the “bad” decisions you’ve made…

Yes - that’s the one.

A recent interesting *Forbes article dives into the subject, offering some useful insight about negative self-talk - often referred to as “the inner critic”.

It puts forward the idea that rather than simply dismissing negative self-talk as inherently bad – it’s the extent of the self-criticism that matters.

“When there is a constant negative chatter dominating your mind, it can feel like you’re living with an invisible bully. While a certain level of self-criticism can sharpen focus and push you toward growth, its more extreme forms can slowly but very surely sabotage your potential”.

So if there is some value in paying attention to this inner critical voice – how do we ensure that it gently nudges us to growth rather than undermining our confidence?

Well in the first place we have to notice when the negative chatter is present:

“Start paying attention to the background murmurs of your mind. The patterns and phrases that repeat themselves are what amount to the average conversation that guides you from within”.

We have to start to develop the ability to “notice who is talking”; this in itself can feel like a bit of a bizarre concept – because it probably all “just feels like me…”. And of course it is you – part of you at any rate, because within our psyches there are many voices, many parts…

What we are talking about here is cultivating the ability to notice which inner voice is speaking, which part of us is in charge in any given moment.

To do this it can be useful to pay attention to the tone of the inner voice – for example is it harsh or berating - or encouraging? Also what is it saying - are there particular (unkind) phrases or sayings that it uses regularly?

Some people find it useful to create a mental separation from this inner voice by giving it some sort of fictional form (one of mine is Sergent Major type character that likes to harshly tell me that I’m taking far too long on this task or that –– and that other people are doing it in half the time, and better, than I do…)

What often happens when people start to differentiate the inner critic within their thinking is that they want to banish or silence it – a very understandable response.

Research published recently in BMC Psychology tells us, however, that those who cope well aren’t those who silence their inner critic, rather they were the people who learned to respond to their self talk with self-compassion. In other words “they acknowledged their inner critic without letting it define who they were”.

Another approach to dealing with it is be curious about it.

Because this voice has been with you for a long time and in it’s own (rather misguided) way it is trying to help you or keep you safe.

As you get better at identifying this part of you, I invite you to start to gently engaging with it, to bring your curiosity – asking what might this self-critical part be trying to protect you from? Often what lies behind criticism is some sort of fear.

So rather than labelling the “inner-critic” as “bad” and banishing it – what would it be to acknowledge it, to meet it with compassion, to even befriend it?

If this part was less engaged in keeping you safe, what might be possible for your growth?

“When you learn to meet your internal voice with understanding instead of resistance, it begins to lose its power to hurt you. Over time, the same voice that once held you back can become the one that helps you grow”.

I appreciate that this sort of personal discovery may be considered as being a bit like therapy or too “out there” for some people – particularly in a work context.

My perspective is that this sort of inner work is one of the foundations of self-awareness; it helps us move towards more understanding of how we feel and what drives us.

With this personal insight we can begin to have mastery of our inner world – we can better understand and manage our emotions and become even more emotionally intelligent colleagues, bosses, partners and friends.

*  https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2025/11/11/how-to-use-negative-self-talk-to-your-advantage-by-a-psychologist/

 #selfawareness #selfmastery #emotionalintelligence #leadership

Boldly-Go helps those who are stepping up into more senior roles be self-aware, self-assured leaders who bring the best out of their teams.

Drop me a line to find out more sarah@boldly-go.co.uk.